Lavas Los Manos

Mood –

Possessive

Haiku (5-7-5)–

Unspoken, yet heard,
I called dibs on that guy first,
Look he has a friend.

Vocabulary Word of the Day –

Hors D’Oeuvre (noun): an appetizer served before a meal.

Example—Urbana knew that when Quito began to perform cunnilingus on her, it was only the hors d’oeuvre for their main course was yet to come.

Alright ladies, you may not choose to believe it but it’s true. We have yet another sense! Yeah that’s right, a seventh one. Women are born with the amazing power of telepathy…we see dead people. If you believed that, please click on the red x in the upper right-hand corner of your computer screen. Now that we’ve weeded out the idiots, let’s begin. We’re only telepathic when we are looking to snack on some hors d’oeuvre’s at the bars.

It’s Saturday night at Moondoggies. Chantel, Quin, Casi, and Lydia have just arrived. They begin scouring the bar for some men. Lydia and some guy make eye contact from across the bar. She grabs her friends and goes in for the kill. Lydia has already staked her claim on the guy she made eye contact with. It’s now survival of the fittest; Chantel, Quin, and Casi must compete for the remaining meat. This is when their telepathic powers kick in. Without one word being spoken, each girl knows which guy sparks which girl’s interest. She knows to back off and make no further attempts at flirtation. Within that group of girls, each guy is labeled for the rest of evening. Chantel will not make a move on Quin’s guy, and vice versa.

After the initial interaction with the men, the girls make a bathroom break. At this point, their telepathic powers are materialized. They state which guys they dig, even though it was understood. This is just a formality. Intentions must be clearly stated just to make sure all t’s are crossed and i’s are dotted. Sometimes telepathic signs can be misread, aren’t up to par, or a little rusty. Every once and a while confusion can occur; this is why a bathroom consultation is absolutely vital and must take place. In the bathroom all the details are hammered out and an invisible contract between the girls is agreed upon and signed.

Once again, guys have no control over this. They can choose not to pursue the girl that has claimed them, but they can not pursue her friend. They are presented with three options. First, they can suck it up and hook up with the ugly bitch. Second, they can find another group of ladies. Finally, they can go home alone. Whichever path they take, they cannot choose another girl within the same group.

The moral to this story is simple, if we have chosen you…you should feel pretty damn lucky.

Quote of the Day –

“Leadership for a change!”— Jerry Sanders, Mayor of San Diego

In Heart We Trust <3.

Do You Lust It?

Mood –

Decisive

Haiku (5-7-5)–

Five seconds have past,
It’s the time…to rail or not?
He’s lacking potench.

Vocabulary Word of the Day –

Marinate (verb): to soak in a marinade.

Example- When Gaston revealed to Gael that he was not circumcised, Gael admitted that she would need to let the idea of performing fellatio on an unruly penis marinate for a few days.

The sixth sense, girls have it and guys do not. It kicks in during the first five seconds of interaction with any member of the male species. The sixth sense is the split second decision that a woman makes as to whether or not she would ever sleep with the man she just met. We are not implying that the intercourse would take place immediately, but at some point in her lifetime. All a ‘yes’ decision implies is that he has definite potench. Whether it is tomorrow or ten years from that moment, she can decide right then and there! Although five seconds may seem brief, it gives a woman ample time to start her engine, rev it up and take off. Confused? We are more than willing to share some insight to the female mind. Stop! Do not start getting cocky. Just because we are pulling back the curtains and revealing the inner workings to a woman’s mind, by no means implies that you will be able to affect her decision.

The decision process consists of three basic steps which all take place in the initial five seconds. A girl meets a guy, at any given location, and at this point her sixth sense automatically begins to assess the subject (starting her engine). Next, she moves in to the analytical stage. She surveys his body, hair, face, teeth and all other physical features that must be aesthetically pleasing to her. Once she has evaluated all these essentials (revving up), she can now come to a conclusion (taking off).

Now let’s say that the lovely gentleman received the subconscious ‘yes’ in the girl’s head, he can clearly turn into a ‘no.’ Receiving the approval does not guarantee a man will be approved for life. There are numerous things he can do to eliminate his chance of ever getting in a girl’s pants. One example that can turn a ‘yes’ into a ‘no’ is an awful first kiss. Imagine this, not only does he vigorously shove his tongue down her throat, but she is forced to remove the remnants of the halitosis slobber that has been left to marinate on her chin. Caution…if you have been branded a ‘no,’ do not, we repeat do not get your hopes up. You will never, not in a million years, not even if you are selected as a participant on ‘Extreme Makeover,’ become a railing candidate. You’re hopeless, accept it and move on, please. Once you have been labeled a ‘no’ in the girl’s mind there is no point in further interaction between the two of you. Just terminate the conversation, and walk away, faster, c’mon, hustle. The reason for this is because there is no where that the relationship can possibly go if the girl has no intention of consummating it. Although you may be a ‘no’ to one girl, does not mean that you are not another Sally’s prince charming. Let’s face it, some girls can find it in their hearts to overlook the disfigured growth on your face. In the interest of full disclosure, do not count on this happening often; it only happens on rare occasions.

We like to refer to this sixth sense as the ‘lust-factor.’ It’s simple really, a guy’s either got it or he doesn’t. A girl has no control as to whether or not she feels the connection with a man. For example, a girl can meet a guy and subconsciously give him the ‘yes.’ However, when she gets to know him better she realizes that he has none of the qualities she looks for in a guy, but yet the ‘lust-factor’ remains. On the other hand, let’s say this same girl meets a guy and he receives a ‘no.’ For some reason, she continues to get to know him even though she has no intention of having sex with him. She soon realizes that this guy has everything she looks for in a partner, but no ‘lust-factor.’ As much as she tries to let it marinate in her mind that she should be with him, she can’t bring herself to consummate the relationship.

There is someone out there for everyone, chance’s are…you’re not for us.

Quote of the Day –

“Skepticism, like chastity, should not be relinquished too readily.” – George Santayana

In Heart We Trust <3.